I lost an old friend this week in a rather unlikely event. Steve Schafer was killed by a shark in my home town earlier in the week while he was kite boarding. You can read more about the attack here. I was a senior in high school and he was a freshman when I met him. Since I had a car and was captain of the surf team, I would drive him around Florida to surf contests and generally try to keep him on a good path (away from the stereotypes of a surfer). Though I didn’t have to try too hard. He was a genuinely good person who got along with everybody and looked after the guys younger than him as he grew older.
After high school he went to college in California (smart move for a surfer). I saw him a few times here and there, but ultimately lost contact with him. Then the whole facebook thing happened. After friending each other on FB we sent a few notes back in forth. He had moved back to Stuart and had been there for a few years.
Karen and I were headed to Stuart for a week to help my Mom out after her full knee replacement surgery last October. I told him I’d give him a call when we got there and we’d meet up for lunch or something to catch up. Once we got to Stuart it became apparent that actually “doing” anything was going to be difficult. Our daughter (11 months at the time) had to sleep a lot, and she was off schedule after our drive down so it was difficult to schedule anything. As a result, I never called him because I thought it’d just be too difficult to get together. I figured I’d just catch him next time when our daughter was older and easier to drag along. We exchanged emails a several times over the past few weeks and I was looking forward to my next Stuart visit.
So I had an opportunity to see my friend and I took a pass to wait for a better/easier time in the future. And now I’ll never see him again.
Now, he was a very active waterman (and exceptional at everything). He surfed, sailed, windsurfed, kite boarded, etc. And he never really stopped. But I wonder if there were things that he was putting off, thinking “I’ll get to it some day.”
He was three years younger than me, and it’s really had me thinking more about life in general. There are a number of things that I keep saying “some day” about. I’ve even some dayed myself on a few things for decades. I think I’m like a lot of people, afraid to step out of their comfort zone. It’s comfortable having a good job, nice house, and generally a good quality life style. Stepping away from what you know and who you know just doesn’t seem like an easy thing to do.
Some day I want to…
1. Move back to the beach. I moved to Atlanta for a job opportunity and planned on being here for maybe a year, two tops. That was a dozen years ago. When I was younger, in my surfing prime, I knew a few guys from the beach who moved to landlocked cities and I remember being somewhat indignant about the idea of it. I couldn’t fathom how somebody who loved the ocean that much could ever move away from it. I guess that makes me a hypocrite. I want my daughter to know the ocean in a similar way that I knew it once.
2. Do some exploring by sailboat. I would love to jump on a sailboat for a while and just go explore places that are otherwise inaccessible. It would be a great learning opportunity for our daughter, as sailing has a lot of life lessons. Living in close quarters, with limited resources, meeting people of different cultures are all great lessons. And it’d be fun to be “Vacation Paul” for more than a week at a time.
3. Surf a truly great wave. Surfing was a huge part of my life, and I was good at it – still am if I can paddle my fat, cubicle-lunged ass into a wave. The problem is I grew up in Florida. Florida has good surf on occasion, but the rides are generally short and inconsistent in nature. I’ve surfed in Hawaii, Mexico and Central America, but I’ve never surfed any of the “perfect” wave spots that you see in the magazines and movies. For example, there are places in Indonesia where you can catch a barrel for 5 or more seconds on EVERY wave – each one rolling in perfectly formed for hundreds of yards. I’ve mind-surfed waves like that for 30 years and haven’t made it to one yet.
4. Own my own business. I get really frustrated trying to convince people to do the right thing for the company instead of what’s good for themselves – not having enough authority to make a real difference. I’d love to be able to just do the right thing all the time.
5. Make it to all of the continents. I’ve traveled a fair bit, but not enough. I’ve only made it to N. America (naturally), Europe (airports only so hardly counts) and Asia (East and West). Hopefully, a trip to Karen’s heritage in Columbia will take care of S. America (Panama is as close as I’ve gotten).
6. Win the lottery. Winning the lottery would make the above possible without jeopardizing the family economics. Whoever said money can’t buy happiness was missing something. From what I can tell, most of life’s stresses are caused by lack of money. After all, work is a four letter word for a reason. I’d love to spend all of the time with my family instead, exploring and having fun.
For me it really comes down to responsibility. Now that I have a family to provide for I feel like I have to stay the course and abandon my selfish desires. Walking away from a good job and comfy home just doesn’t seem very responsible. Heck, walking away from subsidized group health insurance is daunting enough. So perhaps I’m just destined to dream instead of act. Unless, of course, number 6 becomes a reality. Then it’s game on! heh.
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